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T O P I C R E V I E WlindisfarneI can never tell what Scorpio is being sincere with their intentions. I have a Leo girl friend dating a Scorpio, she claims he has abandonment issues, other people think this is typical Scorpio controlling behavior. What do you guys think here?From what I've seen he's a nice guy. But from what she tells me he always thinks she will leave him. When they fight that's when it gets the worse. sometimes they argue and it gets so bad that she wants to just leave for fresh air and he does not let her, then he accussed her of preparing to leave him etc. She says she wouldn't leave for fresh air if he would just console her. My take on that is he doesn't console her and instead acts cold is because it's his defense mechanism? Also sometimes he will threaten to not care when she leaves. She tells me she reassures him constantly but he always thinks she's going to leave. He takes "leaving" seriously and thats how their arguments spring into action. She tells me anytime she goes somewhere he bothers her about where she is really going, he doesn't believe she wont be back so they argue and then she ends up not even wanting to go where she wanted because he made her feel bad.Is this real abandonment issues or part of the secretive Scorpio ploy to keep hold onto their lovers? Because she is hooked. I dont know how she can deal with that... how can anyone? is this real abandonment issues or what?scrappydogI do not think this is a real abandonment issue at all! I think this is a jealous, controling, potentially abusive person trying to enact dominance on the relationship. Men like this have an "abusive personality". Just because she hasn't pushed him far enough to hurt her yet, does not mean he wont. I would tell your friend to get out, but being one of those "hooked" women, she sounds like she has issues of her own. He is showing suspicion when she just goes somewhere, this is because he is trying to control her life and isolate her. Saying that he has abandonment issues is just a manipulation ploy. If she is saying the same as an excuse for him then you may not be able to help her. This is sad, but I see it in women every day. I lost a friend this way and no control/abuse He gave her or talk I gave her ever helped, they are still together after 10 years and he is still cheating, using and beating her, she has no friends, he wont allow it.LionessWhen you have real abandonment issues, you do the opposite.. First you dont let anyone really in and get that close to you, because you automatically assume they will leave one day. If you dont let them get that close to you, it wont hurt when they leave.. At the first hint of the other person leaving,(even if unfounded) the person with the issue's leaves FIRST.. before the other person does.. Why because its inevitable anyways.. You mind is already prepared for that person leaving.. You already expected it.. You have set your self up for it.. Yes I know this through personal experience.. This guy has control/power issues.. So then yeah its a scoprio trait.. But I would see more what pluto is doing in his natal and their synastry/Composite. Looking for why is he having the power control issues. ADD.. YEAH what scrappydog said!!!!!!!! scrappydog^ I agree 100% with Lioness, I have some real abandonment issues and I have the whole "Ill leave you before you leave me" thingy going on. Im not trying to control anyone. This guy is just pure manipulation. Even as I read your post I immediately got a bad feeling in my gut, I don't do that often.lindisfarne quote:Originally posted by scrappydog:I do not think this is a real abandonment issue at all! I think this is a jealous, controling, potentially abusive person trying to enact dominance on the relationship. Men like this have an "abusive personality". Just because she hasn't pushed him far enough to hurt her yet, does not mean he wont. I would tell your friend to get out, but being one of those "hooked" women, she sounds like she has issues of her own. He is showing suspicion when she just goes somewhere, this is because he is trying to control her life and isolate her. Saying that he has abandonment issues is just a manipulation ploy. If she is saying the same as an excuse for him then you may not be able to help her. This is sad, but I see it in women every day. I lost a friend this way and no control/abuse He gave her or talk I gave her ever helped, they are still together after 10 years and he is still cheating, using and beating her, she has no friends, he wont allow it.Yeah I figured too. I mean I honestly though it was abandonment issues... the "dont leave me" thing, but she told me a lot more and it just seemed odd.... she said she had abandonment issues too and he "cured" her. That part scared me... wtf.. it's kinda like they feed on each other. Interesting input you made... abusive personality I see that too. Malena quote:Originally posted by scrappydog:I do not think this is a real abandonment issue at all! I think this is a jealous, controling, potentially abusive person trying to enact dominance on the relationship. Men like this have an "abusive personality". Just because she hasn't pushed him far enough to hurt her yet, does not mean he wont. I would tell your friend to get out, but being one of those "hooked" women, she sounds like she has issues of her own. He is showing suspicion when she just goes somewhere, this is because he is trying to control her life and isolate her. Saying that he has abandonment issues is just a manipulation ploy. If she is saying the same as an excuse for him then you may not be able to help her. This is sad, but I see it in women every day. I lost a friend this way and no control/abuse He gave her or talk I gave her ever helped, they are still together after 10 years and he is still cheating, using and beating her, she has no friends, he wont allow it.A+!!!! I agree with everything here, unfortunately.Is this Scorpio behavior? I guess, but I get mighty tired of people writing off abusive behavior with "oh, well he's a Scorpio and they're just like that." It's like they're using astrology to rationalize their own acceptance of bad behavior. Just because a person gets one rotten apple, doesn't mean all apples are rotten.Not that anyone here was doing this, I'm just speaking generally of a trend I've seen on other astrology boards.lindisfarne quote:Originally posted by scrappydog:^ I agree 100% with Lioness, I have some real abandonment issues and I have the whole "Ill leave you before you leave me" thingy going on. Im not trying to control anyone. This guy is just pure manipulation. Even as I read your post I immediately got a bad feeling in my gut, I don't do that often.I agree with lioness... I have abandonment issues and that's what I do to a T. the "I'm leaving before you do!" thing. My mind is always ready... once I sense that threat I prepare to leave first, I always have to be the one to leave, I'd rather sabotage a great relationship than have them leave me first. Of course this is all unhealthy which I've learned and am working on. I thought her boyfriend did have it because the fear struck out to me until she continued.... it seems like a power play here. Especially when she told me whenever she needs consoling during their arguments he won't give it to her, she says he becomes cold and says he doesn't care if she leaves but when she does (go out for fresh air) is when he freaks out. That's the part where I thought was weird...That fear is there.. but I've never done that power control part. I just leave lmao..lindisfarne@MalenaI agree with you, sorry if my q offended youLionessYes Im working on my issues myself.. But yeah I know its not easy... When you have abandonment issues, do you think its a self fulling prophecy? This is what Im starting to realize. But its so hard to STAY... Leave before he does.. Leave before he doesLeave before he does... Get in and get out quick... I blame Uranus!!! LOL Thats my reasoning and Im sticking to it! LOLlindisfarne quote:Originally posted by Lioness:Yes Im working on my issues myself.. But yeah I know its not easy... When you have abandonment issues, do you think its a self fulling prophecy? This is what Im starting to realize. But its so hard to STAY... Leave before he does.. Leave before he doesLeave before he does... Get in and get out quick... I blame Uranus!!! LOL Thats my reasoning and Im sticking to it! LOLAre you getting any help with your abandonment issues? It's no way to live. It's a very poor coping mechanism, used to help you survive a long time ago, now.. not so much. LionessI am transforming my self with help from teachers that come along my path.. Pluto also in H7 I cant sit and talk or open up to strangers... It freaks me out...The key is "knowing" and now I know.. So I can work on the fear.Malena quote:Originally posted by lindisfarne:@MalenaI agree with you, sorry if my q offended youNo offense taken at all, it's a general peeve Malena quote:Originally posted by lindisfarne:@MalenaI agree with you, sorry if my q offended youNo offense taken, it's a general peeve BelligerentPygmy quote:Originally posted by lindisfarne:I can never tell what Scorpio is being sincere with their intentions. I have a Leo girl friend dating a Scorpio, she claims he has abandonment issues, other people think this is typical Scorpio controlling behavior. What do you guys think here?From what I've seen he's a nice guy. But from what she tells me he always thinks she will leave him. When they fight that's when it gets the worse. sometimes they argue and it gets so bad that she wants to just leave for fresh air and he does not let her, then he accussed her of preparing to leave him etc. She says she wouldn't leave for fresh air if he would just console her. My take on that is he doesn't console her and instead acts cold is because it's his defense mechanism? Also sometimes he will threaten to not care when she leaves. She tells me she reassures him constantly but he always thinks she's going to leave. He takes "leaving" seriously and thats how their arguments spring into action. She tells me anytime she goes somewhere he bothers her about where she is really going, he doesn't believe she wont be back so they argue and then she ends up not even wanting to go where she wanted because he made her feel bad.Is this real abandonment issues or part of the secretive Scorpio ploy to keep hold onto their lovers? Because she is hooked. I dont know how she can deal with that... how can anyone? is this real abandonment issues or what?I don't think it's necessarily abandonment issues per se - cuz plenty of Scorps are that way and were never abandoned by a parent or anyone else important in their lives.It's more that they just get so intensely attached to people, EXTREMELY SO, that they take it damn hard when they lose them and so they try like h.ell to prevent losing them in the first place.bethcarlisehI think he has abandonment issues. It doesn't have to be so complex. Scorpios are pretty easy to read just like any other sign. But doesn't everyone have abandonment issues? What the ell does that even mean? The terms you people make up and believe to be true. haha. So amusing.RegardesPlatero-4lifephrasesAs serious everyone has made it sound, and it can be as dangerous as everyone from their own experience or thinking what it is can be....See above for this advice and they are right.However if you see here is another scenario.Just being Devil's Advocate really. Scorpio: This is bothering me.(Being Honest)Leo: How dare you to think that way!(Hurts Leo pride)Scorpio: Well because of this this this...Leo: Oh ! you can't say that to me...Scorpio : Don't be upset...Listen you really don't understand what is going on but this is really bothering me.Leo : How dare you think I don't understand that. I do.Scorpio : No you don't.Leo: (fumes) I need to go get some air.Leo walking out.Scorpio left confused and unappreciated. Feels that what he was trying to talk wasn't even considered and he hasn't even found a solution.Scorpio: Wait! Don't go. Please Leo: How dare you stopped me.No Let me go. You are such a #### blah, blah,1)Scorpio has only option to be quiet and let Leo go. Now when Scorpio gets quiet it gets said you are doing "defence mechanism". There is not much choice left for Scorpio. 2) Scorpio lets Leo go by being nice.It doesn't come very easily to Scorpio as Scorpio has been trying to resolve the misunderstanding and last thing he wants to do is further be misunderstood.3) Scorpio stops her physically.We are shouting it is physical torture Scorpio hates when somebody rather than resolving the problem sits on it or goes out to take air. Leaving unresolved problems is weak and lazy,not facing relationship conflicts is worst thing someone can do. Scorpio hates it when he has invested so much in it.If you are in the relationship do something about it. Give it an end, give it a start, give it negotiation, give it love,give it boundaries,give your message clearly,etc.Don't leave hanging anything for Scorpio. Scorpio hates uncertainity of anything. If Scorpio knows you are leaving he would start preparing. If you wish to work this out and compromise then Scorpio wants to take actions to reconcile.There are no grand schemes except more clarity Scorpio gets better decision he can make for future.No Scorpio isn't going to calm down Leo it is other way around.Atleast one of them needs to calm down.People say Scorpio loves Drama. Leo loves Drama as well.There is one more aspect that Leo women are at times better at making friends and being social than Scorpio.Scorpio not necessarily want to socialize as much as Leo. So maybe it is time for Leo to be more open .... Well this is what I am going to do i.e. go and meet my friends x amount of times, go and do this, go and do that,etc.Make a list and instead of saying write it. Scorpio fits here in her life and give "take it or leave it" offer to Scorpio. Let Scorpio be reassured that despite all these things she would be loyal and what would be the consequences if either of them cheated.I tell time and time again, with Scorpio make it very clear where your Fidelity borders are.Both the people agree to things they would find offending or are ok with.I go to a club with my guy friends and I am going to talk, hug, kiss, touch other men -non sexually / sexually whatever it is. I would be jealous if you did this. I wouldn't be jealous if you didn't do this.Set borders and stick to it.If he is abusive then I am really sorry. Advise to leave.
From what I've seen he's a nice guy. But from what she tells me he always thinks she will leave him. When they fight that's when it gets the worse. sometimes they argue and it gets so bad that she wants to just leave for fresh air and he does not let her, then he accussed her of preparing to leave him etc. She says she wouldn't leave for fresh air if he would just console her. My take on that is he doesn't console her and instead acts cold is because it's his defense mechanism? Also sometimes he will threaten to not care when she leaves. She tells me she reassures him constantly but he always thinks she's going to leave. He takes "leaving" seriously and thats how their arguments spring into action. She tells me anytime she goes somewhere he bothers her about where she is really going, he doesn't believe she wont be back so they argue and then she ends up not even wanting to go where she wanted because he made her feel bad.
Is this real abandonment issues or part of the secretive Scorpio ploy to keep hold onto their lovers? Because she is hooked. I dont know how she can deal with that... how can anyone? is this real abandonment issues or what?
At the first hint of the other person leaving,(even if unfounded) the person with the issue's leaves FIRST.. before the other person does.. Why because its inevitable anyways.. You mind is already prepared for that person leaving.. You already expected it.. You have set your self up for it..
Yes I know this through personal experience..
This guy has control/power issues.. So then yeah its a scoprio trait.. But I would see more what pluto is doing in his natal and their synastry/Composite. Looking for why is he having the power control issues.
ADD.. YEAH what scrappydog said!!!!!!!!
quote:Originally posted by scrappydog:I do not think this is a real abandonment issue at all! I think this is a jealous, controling, potentially abusive person trying to enact dominance on the relationship. Men like this have an "abusive personality". Just because she hasn't pushed him far enough to hurt her yet, does not mean he wont. I would tell your friend to get out, but being one of those "hooked" women, she sounds like she has issues of her own. He is showing suspicion when she just goes somewhere, this is because he is trying to control her life and isolate her. Saying that he has abandonment issues is just a manipulation ploy. If she is saying the same as an excuse for him then you may not be able to help her. This is sad, but I see it in women every day. I lost a friend this way and no control/abuse He gave her or talk I gave her ever helped, they are still together after 10 years and he is still cheating, using and beating her, she has no friends, he wont allow it.
Yeah I figured too. I mean I honestly though it was abandonment issues... the "dont leave me" thing, but she told me a lot more and it just seemed odd.... she said she had abandonment issues too and he "cured" her. That part scared me... wtf.. it's kinda like they feed on each other. Interesting input you made... abusive personality I see that too.
A+!!!! I agree with everything here, unfortunately.
Is this Scorpio behavior? I guess, but I get mighty tired of people writing off abusive behavior with "oh, well he's a Scorpio and they're just like that." It's like they're using astrology to rationalize their own acceptance of bad behavior. Just because a person gets one rotten apple, doesn't mean all apples are rotten.
Not that anyone here was doing this, I'm just speaking generally of a trend I've seen on other astrology boards.
quote:Originally posted by scrappydog:^ I agree 100% with Lioness, I have some real abandonment issues and I have the whole "Ill leave you before you leave me" thingy going on. Im not trying to control anyone. This guy is just pure manipulation. Even as I read your post I immediately got a bad feeling in my gut, I don't do that often.
I agree with lioness... I have abandonment issues and that's what I do to a T. the "I'm leaving before you do!" thing. My mind is always ready... once I sense that threat I prepare to leave first, I always have to be the one to leave, I'd rather sabotage a great relationship than have them leave me first. Of course this is all unhealthy which I've learned and am working on. I thought her boyfriend did have it because the fear struck out to me until she continued.... it seems like a power play here. Especially when she told me whenever she needs consoling during their arguments he won't give it to her, she says he becomes cold and says he doesn't care if she leaves but when she does (go out for fresh air) is when he freaks out. That's the part where I thought was weird...
That fear is there.. but I've never done that power control part. I just leave lmao..
I agree with you, sorry if my q offended you
When you have abandonment issues, do you think its a self fulling prophecy? This is what Im starting to realize.
But its so hard to STAY... Leave before he does.. Leave before he doesLeave before he does...
Get in and get out quick...
I blame Uranus!!! LOL Thats my reasoning and Im sticking to it!
LOL
quote:Originally posted by Lioness:Yes Im working on my issues myself.. But yeah I know its not easy... When you have abandonment issues, do you think its a self fulling prophecy? This is what Im starting to realize. But its so hard to STAY... Leave before he does.. Leave before he doesLeave before he does... Get in and get out quick... I blame Uranus!!! LOL Thats my reasoning and Im sticking to it! LOL
Pluto also in H7
I cant sit and talk or open up to strangers... It freaks me out...
The key is "knowing" and now I know.. So I can work on the fear.
quote:Originally posted by lindisfarne:@MalenaI agree with you, sorry if my q offended you
No offense taken at all, it's a general peeve
No offense taken, it's a general peeve
quote:Originally posted by lindisfarne:I can never tell what Scorpio is being sincere with their intentions. I have a Leo girl friend dating a Scorpio, she claims he has abandonment issues, other people think this is typical Scorpio controlling behavior. What do you guys think here?From what I've seen he's a nice guy. But from what she tells me he always thinks she will leave him. When they fight that's when it gets the worse. sometimes they argue and it gets so bad that she wants to just leave for fresh air and he does not let her, then he accussed her of preparing to leave him etc. She says she wouldn't leave for fresh air if he would just console her. My take on that is he doesn't console her and instead acts cold is because it's his defense mechanism? Also sometimes he will threaten to not care when she leaves. She tells me she reassures him constantly but he always thinks she's going to leave. He takes "leaving" seriously and thats how their arguments spring into action. She tells me anytime she goes somewhere he bothers her about where she is really going, he doesn't believe she wont be back so they argue and then she ends up not even wanting to go where she wanted because he made her feel bad.Is this real abandonment issues or part of the secretive Scorpio ploy to keep hold onto their lovers? Because she is hooked. I dont know how she can deal with that... how can anyone? is this real abandonment issues or what?
I don't think it's necessarily abandonment issues per se - cuz plenty of Scorps are that way and were never abandoned by a parent or anyone else important in their lives.
It's more that they just get so intensely attached to people, EXTREMELY SO, that they take it damn hard when they lose them and so they try like h.ell to prevent losing them in the first place.
But doesn't everyone have abandonment issues? What the ell does that even mean? The terms you people make up and believe to be true. haha. So amusing.
However if you see here is another scenario.Just being Devil's Advocate really.
Scorpio: This is bothering me.(Being Honest)Leo: How dare you to think that way!(Hurts Leo pride)Scorpio: Well because of this this this...Leo: Oh ! you can't say that to me...Scorpio : Don't be upset...Listen you really don't understand what is going on but this is really bothering me.Leo : How dare you think I don't understand that. I do.Scorpio : No you don't.Leo: (fumes) I need to go get some air.
Leo walking out.
Scorpio left confused and unappreciated. Feels that what he was trying to talk wasn't even considered and he hasn't even found a solution.
Scorpio: Wait! Don't go. Please
Leo: How dare you stopped me.No Let me go. You are such a #### blah, blah,
1)Scorpio has only option to be quiet and let Leo go.
Now when Scorpio gets quiet it gets said you are doing "defence mechanism". There is not much choice left for Scorpio.
2) Scorpio lets Leo go by being nice.
It doesn't come very easily to Scorpio as Scorpio has been trying to resolve the misunderstanding and last thing he wants to do is further be misunderstood.
3) Scorpio stops her physically.
We are shouting it is physical torture
Scorpio hates when somebody rather than resolving the problem sits on it or goes out to take air. Leaving unresolved problems is weak and lazy,not facing relationship conflicts is worst thing someone can do. Scorpio hates it when he has invested so much in it.If you are in the relationship do something about it. Give it an end, give it a start, give it negotiation, give it love,give it boundaries,give your message clearly,etc.
Don't leave hanging anything for Scorpio. Scorpio hates uncertainity of anything. If Scorpio knows you are leaving he would start preparing. If you wish to work this out and compromise then Scorpio wants to take actions to reconcile.There are no grand schemes except more clarity Scorpio gets better decision he can make for future.
No Scorpio isn't going to calm down Leo it is other way around.Atleast one of them needs to calm down.
People say Scorpio loves Drama. Leo loves Drama as well.
There is one more aspect that Leo women are at times better at making friends and being social than Scorpio.Scorpio not necessarily want to socialize as much as Leo. So maybe it is time for Leo to be more open ....
Well this is what I am going to do i.e. go and meet my friends x amount of times, go and do this, go and do that,etc.Make a list and instead of saying write it. Scorpio fits here in her life and give "take it or leave it" offer to Scorpio. Let Scorpio be reassured that despite all these things she would be loyal and what would be the consequences if either of them cheated.
I tell time and time again, with Scorpio make it very clear where your Fidelity borders are.Both the people agree to things they would find offending or are ok with.
I go to a club with my guy friends and I am going to talk, hug, kiss, touch other men -non sexually / sexually whatever it is.
I would be jealous if you did this. I wouldn't be jealous if you didn't do this.Set borders and stick to it.
If he is abusive then I am really sorry. Advise to leave.
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